Popular Comedy Quotes
Les Grossman: No, fuckhead. Of course I could. A nutless monkey could do your job. Now, go get drunk and take credit at all the parties.
Studio Executive Rob Slolom: I wouldn't do that.
Les Grossman: I'm kidding.
Studio Executive Rob Slolom: Ah, there he is! funny. You're a funny guy.
Les Grossman: Yeah. But seriously, a nutless monkey could do your job.
Dory: No. No, you can't... STOP. Please don't go away. Please? No one's ever stuck with me for so long before. And if you leave... if you leave... I just, I remember things better with you. I do, look. P. Sherman, forty-two... forty-two... I remember it, I do. It's there, I know it is, because when I look at you, I can feel it. And-and I look at you, and I... and I'm home. Please... I don't want that to go away. I don't want to forget.
Marlin: I'm sorry, Dory. But I... do.
Bobby: "Oh yeah, we've got to trim some of the fat around here."
Kurt: "What do you mean by trim the fat?"
Bobby: "I want you to fire the fat people."
Bobby: "They're lazy and they're slow and they make me sad to look at."
Pack it in, Frank, you silly bastard!Nicholas Angel
People say, You must have been the class clown. And I say, No, I wasn't. But I sat next to the class clown, and I studied him.Dr. Pearl
Pinchers of power! You guys! I've been saved by my Pinchers of Power!Richard 'Data' Wang
Richard: Sarcasm is the refuge of losers.
Richard: Sarcasm is losers trying to bring winners down to their level.
Frank: Thank you for opening my eyes to what a loser I am!
Wayne Campbell: She's a babe.
Garth Algar: She's magically babelicious.
Wayne Campbell: She tested very high on the stroke-ability scale.
[to Max] She's in love with a dead guy anyway.Herman Blume
Sara: So, you kinda like me, huh?
Hitch: No. I love you.
The Stranger: There's just one thing, Dude.
The Dude: And what's that?
The Stranger: Do you have to use so many cuss words?
The Dude: What the fuck you talking about?
The Stranger: Okay, Dude. Have it your way.
The Mayor of Who-ville: They called me a boob! Do I look like a boob to you?
Miss Yelp: You don't want me to answer that.