Popular Comedy Quotes
You tried to milk him, didn't you you sick son of a bitch?
Jack Byrnes
Rail Crossing Crowd #2: Your breath smells like alcohol!
Hancock: That's cause I've been drinking bitch!
Fletcher: Your honor, I object!
Judge: Why?
Fletcher: Because it's devastating to my case!
Judge: Overruled.
Fletcher: Good call!
Your society nods its head at any horror the American teenager can think to bring upon itself.
J.D.
Special Olympics Athlete: You're a faker.
Thomas: A mother-faker!
Steve Barker: Jeffy doesn't understand! Jeffy cocoa for cuckoo pops, uhh... Jeffy...
Special Olympics Athlete: Shut up you stupid a-s-s!
Jay: You're fucking kidding me! The Easter bunny did this?
Brodie: All I said was that the Easter bunny at the Menlo Park mall was more convincing and he just jumped the railing and knocked me down.
Jay: He's fucking dead!
Brodie: Oh let it go, he's under a lot of pressure.
[T.S. and Gwen approach them]
T.S. Quint: What the hell happened?
Jay: The guy in the Easter bunny suit kicked his ass.
Brodie: I had it coming.
Jay: [to Silent Bob] Fuck all that shit. Come on, Silent Bob.
[Jay and Silent Bob leave]
T.S. Quint: What really happened?
Brodie: The proprietor of Fashionable Male beat a raincheck into my stomach.
Gwen: Shannon Hamilton?
T.S. Quint: You know that guy?
Gwen: I went out with him once after we dated. He tried to screw me some place very uncomfortable.
T.S. Quint: What? Like the back of a Volkswagen?
Brodie: Sounds like his M.O.
You're gonna need a blanket and suntan lotion, cause you're never gonna get off that beach, just like the way you never got into the NHL... you jackass!
Donald
You're on a gravy train with biscuit wheels.
Ernie McCracken
Frank: I just wanna tell you guys thanks for being here. Best day ever.
Beanie: Frank, you need to walk away from this right now.
Dave: You ball your socks, you floss, and you don't hide booze in the toilet tank.
Dave: [pauses] You live like a Mormon.
I'm gonna propose you a proposition!
Big Dan Teague
That's my boy!
Donny
