Popular Comedy Quotes
[dumping out cold fries] I shall serve no fries before their time.Brad Hamilton
Peter Bretter: I wanna stand up before I leave.
Surfing Instructor: I don't think you're ready, man.
Peter Bretter: I'm ready to ride fucking giants, Kunu.
Surfing Instructor: I think you're ready.
If only you knew how mean she really is... You'd know that I'm not allowed to wear hoop earrings, right? Yeah! Two years ago she told me hoops earrings were *her* thing and I wasn't allowed to wear them anymore. And then for Hannakuh my parents got this pair of really expensive white gold hoops and I had to pretend like I didn't even like them and... it was so sad. And you know she cheats on Aaron? Yes, every Thursday he thinks she's doing SAT prep but really she's hooking up with Shane Ohman in the projection room above the auditorium! I never told anybody that because I am *such* a good friend!Gretchen
Peter Highman: "Number 2: if you're allergic to waffles, don't eat waffles!"
Ethan Tremblay: "Then don't take me to a waffle house!"
[in the voice of a cartoon mouse] I'm the mascot of an evil corporation!Bart Simpson
Emma: It must be nice having a job with so much downtime.
Randal Graves: Downtime's important. If I had to deal with the fucking mouth-breathers all day, I'd dip my head in the deep-fryer. Balls, too...
Korean Mother: Ling-Ling, You walk right by Crazy Nail. No say hi me.
Ling Ling: Hi mom.
Mini-me, you complete me.Dr. Evil
Momma's making a pubie salad, and she wants some Seth's own dressing.Seth
Moral fiber. So, what is moral fiber? It's funny, I used to think it was always telling the truth, doing good deeds, basically being a fucking boy scout. But lately I've been seeing it differently. Now I think moral fiber's about finding that one thing you really care about. That one special thing that means more to you than anything else in the world. And when you find her, you fight for her. You risk it all, you put her in front of everything, your life, all of it. And maybe the stuff you do to help her isn't so clean. You know what? It doesn't matter. Because in your heart you know, that the juice is worth the squeeze. That's what moral fiber's all about.Matthew
No it's cool man, bring your green hat!Frank
Now really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding?Lord Farquaad