Popular Comedy Quotes
[In an Irish accent] I'll believe ya when me shit turns purple and smells like rainbow sherbet.Captain O'Hagan
You're right! You're not your dad! He could sell a ketchup Popsicle to a woman in white gloves!Richard Hayden
The world is made for people who aren't cursed with self-awareness.Annie Savoy
Larry King: Hi, this is Larry King. The phone-in topic Today: "Ghosts and Ghostbusting." The controversy builds, more sightings are reported, some maintain that these professional paranormal eliminators in New York are the cause of it all.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Werewolf?
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: What?
Igor: There, wolf. There, castle.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Why are you talking that way?
Igor: I thought you wanted to.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: No, I don't want to.
Igor: Suit yourself. I'm easy.
Semmi: But where in New York can one find a woman with grace, elegance, taste and culture? A woman suitable for a king.
Prince Akeem, Semmi: Queens!
Sister EncarnaciÃ³n: Well, my favorite color is light tan. My favourite animal is puppies. I like serving the lord. Hiking, play volleyball...
Nacho: You gotta be kidding me. Everything you just said, is MY favourite thing to do, every day!
Saul: No... I see. The monkey's out of the bottle now!
Dale Denton: What? That's not even.. a figure of speech.
Saul: Pandora can't go back into the box, he only comes out.
God needs the Devil. The Beatles needed The Rolling Stones. Even Diane Sawyer needed Katie Couric. Will you be my Katie Couric?Jean Girard
Larry's evil conscience: Fuck her. Fuck her brains out! Suck her tits, squeeze her buns. You know she wants it.
Larry's good conscience: For shame! Lawrence, I'm surprised at you!
Larry's evil conscience: Aw, don't listen to that jackoff. Look at those gazongas. You'll never get a better chance.
Larry's good conscience: If you lay one finger on that poor sweet helpless girl, you'll despise yourself forever... I'm proud of you, Lawrence.
Larry's evil conscience: You homo.
What? You pooped in the refrigerator? And you ate the whole... wheel of cheese? How'd you do that? Heck, I'm not even mad; that's amazing. How 'bout we get you in your p.j.'s and we hit the hay.Ron Burgundy [to Baxter]
Sara: What's your name?
Chip: They call me Chip.
Sara: Aw, you can't get 'em to stop?