Popular Comedy Quotes
Scotty Brennen: See that girl over there in the red? Say "hi" to her and she's yours. She'll have her legs around you so tight you'll be begging for mercy.
Josh: Well, I'll stay away from her, then.
Thurgood Jenkins: [to Mary Jane] Listen, I really like you. I was just wondering maybe if you're interested we can go out later and get some ice cream or something...
Scarface: OOH! MOTHER FUCKER SAID ICE CREAM!
Brian: BLAH BLAH ICE CREAM! YOU'RE SUCH A DORK, MAN!
Thurgood Jenkins: Damn!
Valentine McKee: We can't hold still long! These things are damn smart! They're getting smarter by the minute!
Burt Gummer: That's fine! [holds up a stick of dynamite] We got some new things to teach 'em!
Jane Winslett-Richardson: I need to find a baby for this father.
Steve Zissou: Yeah, I think I know what you mean.
Princess Fiona: The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight.
Shrek: Uh, no.
Princess Fiona: Why not?
Shrek: I have helmet hair.
Princess Fiona: Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer.
Shrek: Oh, no, you wouldn't... tst.
Princess Fiona: But... how will you kiss me?
Shrek: What? That wasn't in the job description.
Donkey: Maybe it's a perk.
So like, right now for example. The Haitians need to come to America. But some people are all, "What about the strain on our resources?" Well it's like when I had this garden party for my father's birthday, right? I put R.S.V.P. 'cause it was a sit-down dinner. But some people came that like did not R.S.V.P. I was like totally buggin'. I had to haul ass to the kitchen, redistribute the food, and squish in extra place settings. But by the end of the day it was, like, the more the merrier. And so if the government could just get to the kitchen, rearrange some things, we could certainly party with the Haitians. And in conclusion may I please remind you it does not say R.S.V.P. on the Statue of Liberty. Thank you very much.Cher
That's how you do it. That's how you debate.Frank
Prince Edward: Have you any last words?
Robert: You have got to be kidding me!
Prince Edward: Strange words.
The seven deadly sins. Who can name the seven deadly sins? People! It was a very popular film with Brad Pitt, you have the ultimate cliff note.Father Brian Finn
[driving stoned] People on 'ludes should not drive.Jeff Spicoli
Lloyd Christmas: Who's the astronaut?
Harry Dunne: Oh, that's my roommate.
Frank, if you're going to be blown to bits, I want to be here with you.Jane Spencer