Popular Comedy Quotes
[singing] The sun is shining and the grass is green. / Under the three feet of snow, I mean.Stan
The world is made for people who aren't cursed with self-awareness.Annie Savoy
There was only one road back to L.A. - U.S. Interstate 15. Just a flat-out high speed burn through Baker and Barstow and Berdoo. Then onto the Hollywood Freeway, and straight on into frantic oblivion. Safety. Obscurity. Just another freak. In the freak kingdom.Raoul Duke
They took me off into a separate room; I seen 'em takin' different people off; different ones of us off in separate rooms and put me on a big white table and uh the guy that took me in there - to examine me I guess - he probed me and then I was in there I bet more than three or four hours, in that room, being probed and at one time or another these different ones of 'em came in, four or five or six of 'em at different times, and all of 'em probed me, uh, not all at once, you know, individually. Later on, years later, now, even still, uh, it's a funny thing - it happened on a Sunday and every Sunday about the time I was taken on board that ship I - find I have no feelings in my buttocks.UFO Abductee
Remy: This is me. I think it's apparent that I need to rethink my life a little bit. I can't help myself. I... I like good food, ok? And... good food is... hard for a rat to find!
Django: It wouldn't be so hard to find, if you weren't so picky!
Remy: I don't wanna eat garbage dad!
Porn Store Worker: We don't sell kiddie porn.
Bucky Larson: Oh, I'm allergic to cats.
David St. Hubbins: We say, "Love your brother." We don't say it really, but...
Nigel Tufnel: We don't literally say it.
David St. Hubbins: No, we don't say it.
Nigel Tufnel: We don't really, literally mean it.
David St. Hubbins: No, we don't believe it either, but...
Nigel Tufnel: But we're not racists.
David St. Hubbins: But that message should be clear, anyway.
Nigel Tufnel: We're anything but racists.
Pete: Well hell, it ain't square one! Ain't nobody gonna pick up three filthy, unshaved hitch-hikers, and one of them a know-it-all that can't keep his trap shut.
Ulysses Everett McGill: Pete, the personal rancor reflected in that remark I don't intend to dignify with comment. But I would like to address your general attitude of hopeless negativism. Consider the lilies of the goddamn field or... hell! Take at look at Delmar here as your paradigm of hope.
Delmar O'Donnell: Yeah, look at me.
Well, what if there is no tomorrow? There wasn't one today.Phil
Fogell: Well, when I got there it was either this or Muhammad.
Evan: Why would you even pick Muhammad.
Fogell: For your information, Muhammad is the most commonly used name on the planet.
Evan: Fogell, have you ever even met anyone named Muhammad?
Fogell: Have you ever met anyone named McLovin?
Seth: NO! That's why it's a stupid, made-up, fucking fairy tale name!
Were these magic grits? Did you get these grits from the same guy who sold Jack his bean stalk beans?Vinny Gambini
Ricky Bobby: What has France ever given America, huh?
Jean Girrard: We invented democracy, existentialism , and the MÃ©nage Ã trois.
Cal Naughton Jr: Those are three pretty good things, Ricky. Especially that last one