Popular Comedy Quotes
Korean Mother: Ling-Ling, You walk right by Crazy Nail. No say hi me.
Ling Ling: Hi mom.
Everyone keeps talking about my accent, but I'm from America!Bucky Larson
Miles Logan: Don't you ever get all up on this thing?
Carlson: I don't think I've ever gotten all up on anything, sir.
Lloyd: That's a lovely accent you have. New Jersey?
Lady at bus stop: Austria.
Lloyd: Austria! Well, then. G'day mate! Let's put another shrimp on the barbie!
Lady at bus stop: Let's not.
Lucky Day: Oh, great. You killed the invisible swordsman!
Ned Nederlander: [runs over to check] He's dead, all right.
Dusty Bottoms: How was I supposed to know where he was?
Lucky Day: You were supposed to fire up. *We* both fired *up*.
Lucky Day: It's like living with a six-year old.
Are you kidding me? Look at all this crap! There's like a million wires in here. I'm more like a three wire guyMacGruber
Allison Reynolds: I'll do anything sexual. I don't need a million dollars to do it either.
Claire Standish: You're lying.
Allison Reynolds: I already have. I've done just about everything there is except a few things that are illegal. I'm a nymphomaniac.
Claire Standish: Lie.
Brian Johnson: Are your parents aware of this?
Allison Reynolds: The only person I told was my shrink.
Andrew Clark: And what did he do when you told him?
Allison Reynolds: He nailed me.
Claire Standish: Very nice.
Carl: I ate some Triscuit crackers in the car, you should have had some.
Eric: Well, maybe if you told me they were delicious Triscuit crackers I could have enjoyed them with you.
Carl: I'm sorry.
Eric: Well, "sorry" doesn't put the Triscuit crackers in my stomach now, does it Karl?
Arnold: A winner is someone who doesn't knock me off my surfboard. Especially Tank, he's definitely not a winner.
Smudge: He's a dirty trash can full of poop.
Davy Jones: I wonder, Sparrow, can you condemn a innocent man, a friend to a lifetime of servitude in your name while you roam free?
Jack Sparrow: Yep, I can live with it
Ron Burgundy: I don't read Jet magazine or uh Jheri Curl Daily.
Linda Jackson: What are you doing?!
Ron Burgundy: I’m breaking down the barriers of race by assimilation and on that note, which one of you convicts with the longest record can pass me the mash potatoes?