Popular Comedy Quotes
Put your tongue back in your mouth.Mr. Walters
Dupree: Everyone's asleep and here's lonely old Dupree wailing away on himself.
Molly Peterson: You weren't wailing away...
Dupree: An animal wouldn't debase himself such!
I would stay asleep my whole life, if I could dream myself into a company of players.Viola de Lesseps
[Inside the whale] I have to get out of here! I have to find my son! I have to tell him how old sea turtles are!Marlin
Sue: And you got these fucking claws and these fangs...
Trent: And you got these fucking claws and these fangs, man! And you're looking at your claws and you're looking at your fangs. And you're thinking to yourself, you don't know what to do, man. "I don't know how to kill the bunny." With THIS, you don't know how to kill the bunny? Do you know what I mean?
Sue: You're like a big bear, man.
Mike: So you're not just, like, fucking with me?
Trent: No, I'm not fucking with you.
Sue: Honestly, man.
Jimmy: So Coach, I was thinking about the music for our routine.
Chazz: We're going to skate to one song, and one song [sings] I'm gonna get you get you drunk, get you drunk off my lady humps. My humps, my humps, my lovely lady lumps.
Jimmy: How do you even know what that means?
Chazz: No one knows what it means, but it's provocative.
Jimmy: No it's not, it's...
Chazz: It gets the people GOING!
Colonel Sandurz: They must have hyperjets on that thing.
Dark Helmet: And what do we have on this thing? A cuisinart?
Ace: At least I'm not sponging off my parents so I can afford to get laid on every continent.
Demo: Whoa, whoa... I'm a ramblin' man, I'm a tumble weed, I'm a seeker of truth!
Jane: Do you like my new dress?
Fletcher: What ever takes the focus off your head!
Earl. Here's some swiss cheese and some bullets.Walter Chang
I shot Santa Claus in the face. He's real, and I shot him in the face.Harold
Now place the ring on his hand. A ring is like a circle, it goes on forever. It's not like a triangle, triangle have three sides, it's like a circle.Japanese Priest