Pretty soon life's little Twinkie gauge is gonna go empty.Tallahassee
Columbus: There are no penguins in the North Pole.
Tallahassee: ...You wanna see how hard I can punch?
[a zombie is crushed by a falling piano] Poor flat bastard.Columbus
[a zombie kills an obese man] Poor fat bastard.Columbus
[discovers Hostess truck filled with Sno-Balls] Sno-Balls? Sno-Balls? I hate coconut! Not the flavor, but the consistency.Tallahassee
[to Tallahasse] Are you some type of cock blocking robot developed in some secret fucking government lab?Columbus
I could tell she knew what I was feeling, we all are orphans in Zombieland.Columbus
The fatties were the first to go.Columbus
Fuck this clownColumbus
I'm not great at farewells, so uh... that'll do, pig.Tallahassee
[after his neighbor changes into a zombie] The first girl I let into my life and she tries to eat me.Columbus
[flipping frantically through the Bible] This book doesn't have any answers!Homer Simpson