You're not funny. You look funny, but you're not funny.

Chuck

I can't believe George Simmons is dying. I grew up on his movies.

Leo

Fuck Facebook in the face!

Ira Wright

I use so much hand lotion anymore when I am masturbating that when I see people in public using lotion I'm thinking, holy shit their about to jerk off.

Ira Wright

George Simmons: Good news, Bonita. I went to the doctor today. He said I was doing better.
Bonita: That's good, Mr. Simmons. I found the pants you were looking for. They were in the closet.

Don't say chilling.

George Simmons

Don't cry, you're making a scene. Everyone will think I broke up with you.

George Simmons

Daniel Day-Lewis would have torn that scene apart.

George Simmons

Dr. Lars: Now do you trust my accent?
George Simmons: Yes I do.

Why don't you go suck George Simmons's cock?

Leo

George Simmons: I'm surprised nothing happened with you and that girl.
Ira Wright: She told me she had a boyfriend.
George Simmons: She told me the same thing, when she was sucking my cock.

George Simmons: So, which room is yours?
Ira Wright: Prepare to take a hike, because you're standing in it.

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