I can't belive this, I'm opening up to you, and you're making fun of a serious moment in my life.Mark
So I'm guessing your friend is the fat version of you.George Simmons
Leo: If you put 'Cut Kittens' the title of your video, you will have a million hits, then you can put that as a link to your standup.
Ira Wright: Why not just put 'Megan Fox giving a blowjob'?
Laura: No cussing in your standup.
George Simmons: That takes out half of my act.
Will Burton: I think you're trying too hard to be like Flea from the Red Hot Chili Peppers.
Bug: That's crazy; I don't even like Flea.
Will Burton: Yeah, what's your name?
Will Burton: So, how big is this whole bandslam thing around here?
Sam: Texas high school football big.
Charlotte Banksasks: Hi, I'm Charlotte. Nice to meet you.
Sam: I've known you since 5th grade.
Charlotte Banksasks: ...Hmm.
Mark: Don't put me in this position where I have to fuck my way out of a corner!
Leo: He'll do it too. I've seen him.
Is your act just designed to make sure no girl will ever sleep with you?George Simmons
I am going to be the biggest Austrian celebrity since Hitler.BrÃ¼no
A bear ate all my clothes except for these condoms.BrÃ¼no
We have chosen your baby to be dressed as a Nazi Officer, pushing a wheelbarrow, with a Jewish baby, into an oven!BrÃ¼no