I can't belive this, I'm opening up to you, and you're making fun of a serious moment in my life.

Mark

So I'm guessing your friend is the fat version of you.

George Simmons

Leo: If you put 'Cut Kittens' the title of your video, you will have a million hits, then you can put that as a link to your standup.
Ira Wright: Why not just put 'Megan Fox giving a blowjob'?

Laura: No cussing in your standup.
George Simmons: That takes out half of my act.

Will Burton: I think you're trying too hard to be like Flea from the Red Hot Chili Peppers.
Bug: That's crazy; I don't even like Flea.
Will Burton: Yeah, what's your name?
Bug: ...Bug.

Will Burton: So, how big is this whole bandslam thing around here?
Sam: Texas high school football big.

Charlotte Banksasks: Hi, I'm Charlotte. Nice to meet you.
Sam: I've known you since 5th grade.
Charlotte Banksasks: ...Hmm.

Mark: Don't put me in this position where I have to fuck my way out of a corner!
Leo: He'll do it too. I've seen him.

Is your act just designed to make sure no girl will ever sleep with you?

George Simmons

I am going to be the biggest Austrian celebrity since Hitler.

Brüno

A bear ate all my clothes except for these condoms.

Brüno

We have chosen your baby to be dressed as a Nazi Officer, pushing a wheelbarrow, with a Jewish baby, into an oven!

Brüno

FREE Movie Newsletter