Mark: When my grandfather died, there was one candle next to his bed. And the candle started flickering. We all thought it was him going to Heaven, you know?
Leo: You don't pass through fire to get to Heaven. I think he went to Hell.

George Simmons: So, Ira Wright? That's not your real name. You're hiding some Judaism.
Ira Wright: I don't think I can hide that. My face is circumcised.

Dr. Lars: It's too early to know who's winning the fight: the medicine or the disease.
George Simmons: Did anybody ever tell you, you have a very scary accent?
Dr. Lars: You are a very funny man. I enjoy your movies.
George Simmons: And I enjoy all of your movies.
Dr. Lars: [surprised] Which movies?
George Simmons: The ones where you try to kill Bruce Willis.

I want to give this child a typical African-American name. Ojay.

Brüno

The baby is a man magnet.

Brüno

How do you defend yourself against a man with a dildo?

Brüno

Italian Reporter: [after the Pope's ring has been stolen] Mr. Pepperidge, was the Dream Team asleep when the theft occurred?
Pepperidge: No comment.
Italian Reporter: Do you think they will recover the ring?
Pepperidge: If I give a comment, when I said 'no comment.' I would look like a complete ass, wouldn't I?

Kenji: Have we decided on lunch?
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: I'm sure you'll be wanting sushi, my little yellow friend!

You're crazier than a road lizard.

Jedediah

In some countries, my hair is considered currency.

General George Armstrong Custer

Who ever you are Archie Bunker, you have a very comfortable throne.

Kah Mun Rah

Amelia Earhart: I just feel as if I've been asleep for along time and now suddenly I'm awake.
Larry Daley: I can explain that.

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