I've heard of popcorn in the face, but this is ridiculous!

Martin Gary

Me and the judge have a special relationship... I don't wanna get too graphic but I sucked his dick for drugs.

Gayle Sweeny

I bet if I asked him to play a game of Quidditch he'd cum himself.


Danny: Can I get a large black coffee?
Barista: A what?
Danny: Large black coffee.
Barista: Do you mean a venti?
Danny: No, I mean a large.
Barista: Venti is large.
Danny: No venti is twenty. Large is large. In fact tall is large and grande is spanish for large. Venti is the only one that doesn't mean large. It's also the only one that's italian. Congratulations you're stupid in three languages.
Barista: A venti is a large coffee.
Danny: Really says who: Fellini? Do you accept lira or is it all euros now?

The name's so sexy you gotta say it twice.

Moto Moto

Skipper: We've lost engine one.
Private: And engine two is no longer on fire.
Kowalski: [on the microphone] This is your captain speaking. I have good news and bad news. The good news is that we will be landing immediately.
[everyone claps]
Kowalski: The bad news is we're crash landing.

Agent 99: You lied about finding evidence of radioactivity
Agent 23: You conveniently killed Krstic before anyone could question him.
The Chief: And there's that little matter with you stoning my head with a fire extinguisher.
Maxwell Smart: I said I was sorry, you just didn't hear me because you were in a mini coma.

Agent 99: I think we should trust him chief.
Agent 23: Oh absolutely Chief, I'm with 99 on that one, everytime I look at Maxie's puppy eyes I'm a goner.
Agent 99: Oh my God, you've really never had anyone break up with you have you?

You know, you're the only human being I know who snores when he's awake.


Agent 99: Not bad for a rookie.
Maxwell Smart: Not bad for an old lady.

[given a blanket] Oh good, the itchy kind, my favorite, does this one also have small pox? And that was a human tooth...

Maxwell Smart

Agent 23: If you don't follow the rules here then what are we?
The Chief: I'm telling you what we're not, we're not people who jam staples into other people's heads, that's CIA crap!

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