Look, fuckstick, I'm incredibly busy. So why don't you get the hell out of here before I snap your dick off and jam it into your ass...

Les Grossman

[while reading a letter] Dear Shelley. Oh my gosh, that's me! Wait there's more!


Caroline: [holding her son's dirty hand] Is this chocolate or poop? Is this chocolate or poop?!
Caroline: [licks son's hand and smiles] It's chocolate!
Kate Holbrook: What if that had been poop?!

You're stupid space car locked me in!

Angie Ostrowiski

I think she wants me to rub olive oil on your taint.

Kate Holbrook

Well, you sure are getting an early jump on your baby-proofing! Don't worry about a thing; it shouldn't be a problem for anyone over 7.

Boo-Boo Buster

If you listen to DMX, the baby comes out goin 'Ennngghhh!


[as she enters the hospital, about to go into labor] It feels like I'm shitting a knife!

Angie Ostrowiski

The eyes are the nipples of the face.


Yes, I think I'll have the mahi-mahi, but can I get it with just one mahi?


Shelley: [puts on Natalie's glasses] God, you need to go to the eye doctor!
Natalie: I did. That's where I got my glasses.

Natalie: Shelley knows how to meet guys, hence, we will learn how to meet guys.
Shelley: Yeah, hence!

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