[as Simple Jack] You make my pee-pee maker t-t-tingle.

Tugg Speedman

That's C-4, man.


Kirk Lazarus: [to Tugg Speedman] Huh! What do you mean "You People?"
Alpa Chino: [stares at Lazarus, and then gets angry] What do you mean "You People?"
Kirk Lazarus: What?

Lower my voice.

Matt Gadman

John Lennon is rolling over in his grave to hide the giant boner you just gave him!

David Marshall

Some people carry a rabbit's foot, I like to rock a pocket of puke.

Robert 'Fish' Fishman

Robert 'Fish' Fishman: 1991 called, they want their teenage angst back.
Amelia: No, they just called again they want that joke back.

Jake: She was a fun ride, no doubt about it, but she is a previously owned vehicle and I'm into that new car smell.
Jessica (as Clive): You asshole!
Jessica (as Clive): Whoever left these towels here is an asshole.

Jessica (in Clive's body): How come you didn't snitch on me?
Booger Spencer: Cuz you're my sister and I accept you for who you are.
Jessica (in Clive's body): Come here;
[hugs him]
Jessica (in Clive's body): You're such a little weirdo.

Jessica (in Clive's body): [grabs Clive's drink as he's about to drink it] There'd better not be any alcohol in that!
Clive (in Jessica's body): Oh, no no no. This is a VIRGIN Scotch on the Rocks.

Bianca: Hi Jessica, you look great. Are you doing anything different or just hanging out with skankier friends?
Jessica: You look good, too, Bianca. Are you eating less or just barfing more?
Monique: Barfing more.

Jake: Maybe this one will put out unlike that cold fish, Jessica.
Jessica (in Clive's body): YOU GO TO HELL!
Jessica (in Clive's body): Whoever left these showers on, go to hell.

FREE Movie Newsletter