I wish my momma bought me some bling-bling.


Clive (in Jessica's body): I'll make you a deal. You just let me make another 500 bucks tonight, OK. Then, I'll give you your body back because it soooo important to you.
Clive (in Jessica's body): Waa waa I'm crying about my body... And then, you can just loan it to me every other weekend so I can pay off some gambling debts.

Out of all the Korean liquor stores, why did my dad have to walk into that one?

Ling Ling

Ling Ling, you forgot your bling bling.

Korean Mother

[after ripping the guy's ponytail off] You think you're so cool 'cause you can pee with your penis. Get a new conditioner, your ends are totally SPLIT!

Jessica (in Clive's body)

Jessica (in Clive's body): Hildenburg, I'm sorry I humiliated you in front of the whole school and the visiting eighth graders, but you have no idea what it's like... to wake up every morning... and have to shave your chin.
Hildenburg: [crying] Yes, I do.

April: So... do you really have a penis?
Jessica (in Clive's body): I don't think you get the gravity of the situation here.
April: Can I see it?
Jessica (in Clive's body): April!
April: Sorry... can I see it?
[Jessica gives April a dirty look]
April: Come on, it's not every day that your best friend grows a penis.

[after kissing April] I am so lesbian right now.

Jessica (in Clive's body)

It's almost a shame to smoke it. It's like killing a unicorn...with, like, a bomb.


Saul: Man, why'd we have to go to the woods?
Dale Denton: Well you didn't come up with any ideas!
Saul: Yeah, I came up with two! Nowhere and Quizno's.

Scientist: Private Miller, you've been smoking item nine for nine minutes. How do you feel?
Private Miller: I feel like a slice of butter... melting over a... big ol' pile of flapjacks... yeah.

Saul: No... I see. The monkey's out of the bottle now!
Dale Denton: What? That's not even.. a figure of speech.
Saul: Pandora can't go back into the box, he only comes out.

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