Saul: How about in the park, when I said you were my friend... you didn't say anything back.
Dale Denton: Well, that's easy. It's because we're not friend. You are my drug dealer, the only reason I know you is because I like the drugs you sell. If you didn't sell drugs, I would have no idea who you are, and I wouldn't be here right now. I would be fantastic!

I'm chill as a cucumber.

Dale Denton

Tugg Speedman: Wait, guys, are you telling me you're giving up on the movie? I thought we were supposed to be a team, a unit.
Kirk Lazarus: Suck my unit.

Cover me, Dicklips!

Kirk Lazarus

I am a rooster illusion.

Tugg Speedman

[as Simple Jack] Mama, I'll see you again tonight in my head movies. But this head movies makes my eyes rain!

Tugg Speedman

Tugg Speedman: There were times while I was playing Jack where I felt
Tugg Speedman: Retarded. Like, really retarded.
Kirk Lazarus: Moronical?
Tugg Speedman: Yeah!
Kirk Lazarus: An Imbicile?
Tugg Speedman: Yeah!
Kirk Lazarus: Like the dumbest motherfucker that ever lived?
Tugg Speedman: [pause] When I was playing the character.

I don't read the script. The script reads me.

Kirk Lazarus

Now take a step back...*and fuck your own face!*

Les Grossman

Mother Nature just pissed her pants, dude!


You know you better not lie in here man, this is the big room! God does not look favorably on you. He has a tendancy to throw... lightning bolts at things... At liars!

Father Brian Finn

Rabbi Jake Schram: You're in love with her?
Father Brian Finn: [to himself] No one seems to have picked up on this. It's very strange.

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