Rob: Liking both Marvin Gaye and Art Garfunkel is like supporting both the Israelis and the Palestinians.
Laura: No, it's really not, Rob. You know why? Because Marvin Gaye and Art Garfunkel make pop records.
Rob: Made. Made. Marvin Gaye is dead. His father shot him.

Rob: How does he do it, you ask. How does
[stops, whispers]
Rob: how does an average guy like me become the number one lover-man in his particular postal district? He's grumpy, he's broke, he hangs out with the musical moron twins...

[performing at the record release party] Rob, thank you for that kind introduction. We're no longer called Sonic Death Monkey. We're on the verge of becoming Kathleen Turner Overdrive, but just for tonight, we are Barry Jive and his Uptown Five.


Now our masterpiece will never happen because we won't be fueled by Satan!


JB: This place is kinda...
[chewing mushroom]
JB: Juicy.

I looked it up in the dictionary... it wasn't in there.


[JB see's his father in the "faces" of the Gig-simulator's crowd] You're nothing but a mistake. I should have worn a condom.

Jack's Father

What do you want, 'Non-Rocker'? This line is reserved for 'Rockers Only', so I can't really talk to you right now!


Lee: [after the first show] That was amazing, you guys changed people's lives tonight.
KG: I know, it was so awesome dude.
JB: Yeah, it was awesome, compared to bullshit!

KG: Go score me a dime-bag.
JB: A what?
KG: Ten dollars worth a *weed*. Now Listen: Go down to Wake & Bake Pizza, ask for Jojo. Tell him you want the Bob Marley Extra Crispy. He'll know what you're talkin' about.
JB: All right dude, roger that. One Extra Crispy comin' up!
[hangs up phone]

Go ahead and sleep on the power couch. Your training begins tomorrow, at the crack of noon.


[last lines]
JB: Do not make a sound unless it's a masterpiece. Not a fuckin' sound.
KG: [farts] Thought I felt something.
JB: Let's hear that back.

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