Do you want me to get naked and start the revolution?

Lance

Shaun: I have to go to college.
Cindy: Why?
Shaun: Because it's what you do after high school.

Steven Kovacs: What are you doing?
Chip Douglas: I'm just talking trash.
Steven Kovacs: You ruined the game.
Chip Douglas: I don't appreciate your tone, Steve. Friends aren't supposed to talk to each other that way...
Steven Kovacs: What are you talking about? We're not friends. I don't even know you.
Chip Douglas: Well let's change that. Let me buy you a Heineken.

Steven Kovacs: Don't be mad. Can't you get somebody else?
Rick: Sure. Maybe I'll take MY cable guy.

Steven Kovacs: What's going on?
Chip Douglas: It appears that we're going to do battle, Steven.
Steven Kovacs: Is this a normal part of the show?
Chip Douglas: No, but I gave all the knights free cable. They thought it would be cool if we went at it for a while.
Steven Kovacs: Is it safe?
Chip Douglas: Sure, that's what the armor's for. Come on.

Chip Douglas: [eating chicken at Medieval Times] Can I have your skin?
Steven Kovacs: Sure.
Chip Douglas: Check this out.
[places pieces of chicken skin over his face]
Chip Douglas: Silence of the lambs!
[imitates Hannibal Lecter]
Chip Douglas: Hello, Clarice. It's good to see you again.
[bursts out laughing]
Steven Kovacs: Oh lord.

Chip Douglas: Sounds like heart break to me.
Steven Kovacs: Well I really don't want to discuss it with you. Could you just install my cable please? I'm gonna go get dressed.
Chip Douglas: Suit yourself. No sweat off my sac. Oh by the way, you might wanna put on a bathing suit 'cause you'll be channel surfing in no time!

You know what the trouble about real life is? There's no danger music.

Chip Douglas

You better buckle up. I've had a lot to drink... just kidding. That's my humor!

Chip Douglas

Dos thus have thou a mug of ale for me and me mate, for he hath been pitched in battle for a fortnight and has the king's thirst for the frosty brew dos thou might have for thus!

Chip Douglas

I forgive you. I only hope my neurologist will feel the same.

Chip Douglas

I can be your best friend or your worst enemy. You seem to prefer the latter.

Chip Douglas

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