Catherine: Hi. I'm Catherine.
Uninterested Guy: I know. We just had sex five minutes ago

Ricky Lipman: I am *not* going to let you hurt Janey again. Okay? Besides, I love her.
Jake: Well, so do I.
Ricky Lipman: [slight pause] Yes, but I'm the best friend, and I have been in front of her face the whole time, and she just... hasn't really realized it yet, but she will.
Jake: Well, I'm the reformed cool guy, who's learned the error of his ways. She's gonna forgive me for my mistakes, and realize that I really love her.
Ricky Lipman: [pause] Dammit, that's true.

Janey: Jake! How did you get in here? I thought Dad bolted the door.
Jake: There's a big hole in the side of your house.

The Coach: Can he still play?
Trainer: He's in a coma!
The Coach: Answer the question!

Looks like you've got a thing for butt-ugly girls, Mr. I've Got A Thing For Butt-Ugly Girls!

Austin

Hey guys, welcome to the party. If you're gonna have sex, please - do it in my parent's bedroom.

Preston

Janey: I read Sylvia Plath, I listen to Bikini Kill and I eat Tofu. I am a unique rebel.
Mitch: It sounds more like you're a lesbo.
Mr. Briggs: Hey, Mitch, now leave your sister alone.
Janey: Thank you, daddy.
Mr. Briggs: If Janey wants to be a rug-muncher, that's her decision.

Jake: Where's Janey?
Austin: Little Ms. Run Home To Her Daddy, ran home to her daddy.

Areola: But I don't need the class schedule. I only come to this country to be object of lust for poor nerds who cannot get American pussy.
Mr. Cornish: Well, isn't that wonderful?

And now the moment every popular guy who's made a bet to turn a rebellious girl into prom queen has been waiting for.

Mr. Cornish

Malik: What are you doing here?
Other black guy at party: What do you mean?
Malik: I am supposed to be the only black guy at this party.
Other black guy at party: Oh, damn. Shit.
Malik: I know, I know.
Other black guy at party, Malik: [Together] It's whack.

Janey: You never noticed my glasses and my ponytail.
Jake: And don't forget the paint-covered overalls.
Janey: Right... you never noticed those either.

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