My Freshmen year I threw 176 touchdown passes. My sophomore year I ran in 14 myself... with a sprained ankle, a broken phalange, a ruptured duodenum, and a sub dermal hematoma.Austin
Bruce: Mitch, girl go pee-pee not something I want to see-see.
Ox: I agree-gree.
Mitch: No longer will our penises be flaccid and unused.
Bruce: No longer we steal grandfather's porn.
Ox: No longer we will wear blindfolds while jerking each other off.
[Talking about after her mom's death] It was so hard. I had to take on all of her responsibilities. Cooking... cleaning... breast feeding Mitch.Janey
Jake: [Looking at stick figure drawing] Who's that?
Janey: It's my mother.
Jake: You have her eyes.
Austin: All I said was: "I'm pretending to whisper a big secret in your ear so that Jake here thinks I'm telling you a secret, which will cause him to break into a hysterical confession where he actually reveals a big secret. Thus confirming everything I just whispered in your ear."
Who would've guessed that everyone in school was a professional dancer?Teen at prom
This is not a cheer-ocracy, I am the cheer-tator, I will make the cheer-isions around here, and I will deal with the cheer-onsequences.Priscilla
Flight attendant: OH GOD! Ugh! I can't believe you fell for that crap! That's from 'Pretty In Pink!'
Janey: Are you sure?
Flight attendant: Trust me!
Jake: Excuse me, what are you doing?
Flight attendant: Let me give you a little piece of advice here, Jake. Why don't you lose the "I'm the cute and sensitive, popular boy with the big side-burns routine. It's just too pathetic! And for once tell Janey what's true in your heart. Stop being such a little bitch! And you Janey! Little miss other-side-of-the-tracks awkward rebel girl with the pseudo-intellectual glasses, why don't you wise-up to Jake's bullshit! Stop being such a dumbass!
Janey: I knew it. That's a line from "She's All That". I masturbate to that movie.
Jake: [to nosy Flight Attendant right behind them] Do you mind?
Airline Clerk: Not at all, I think masturbation is very healthy.
Do you think I sleep with every guy who writes me a letter? No. I give them hand jobs.Amanda
Mr. Briggs: Hey, uhh... I might be late to pick you guys up.
Janey: Why, do you have a job interview today, daddy?
Mr. Briggs: No honey, I'll probably just be waaaay too drunk.
Janey: Oh, that's good, we don't want you drinking and driving.
Mr. Briggs: Oh, I'll be driving. I'll just be too shit-faced to remember to pick you guys up.
Janey: Ok, bye, daddy.
[Kisses him on the cheek]
Mr. Briggs: Bye, Pumpkin.