Maxwell Smart: [after he gets recruited as a new agent] I request a cone of silence.
Maxwell Smart: [he doesn't press the button hard enough so everyone can hear him] Oh, I'm so happy! I'm so happy! This is the best day of my life!
Lloyd: Dude, you didn't press the button hard enough...
Maxwell Smart: Right.

Siegfried: How do I know you're not from CONTROL?
Maxwell Smart: If I were from CONTROL, you'd already be dead.
Siegfried: If you were from CONTROL, YOU'D already be dead.
Maxwell Smart: Neither of us is dead, so I'm obviously not from CONTROL.
[long pause]
Shtarker: That actually makes sense.

Angie Ostrowiski: Is that what you're wearing?
Kate Holbrook: We *are* going to a nightclub.

Angie Ostrowiski: [Kate is vogueing on the dance floor] Stop framing your face!
Kate Holbrook: I think it's good!
Angie Ostrowiski: It's not.

You're like one of those women from Flavor of Love. 'I'm gonna kill you'

Peter Bretter

Let me just say that if God was a city planner he would not put a playground next to a sewage system!


Everytime I see a bag of Hershey's Kisses my balls get so wet.

Neil Patrick Harris

Kumar Patel: So, you like, smoke weed, then throw people in jail for smoking weed? That's so hypocritical, dude.
George W. Bush: Do you like to give hand jobs?
Kumar Patel: Uh, no.
George W. Bush: Do you like to get hand jobs?
Kumar Patel: Well, yeah!
George W. Bush: That makes you a fuckin' hypocriticizer too!

Fuck you, donuts are awesome!

Kumar Patel

I've never sucked a dick before. I bet it sucks dick!

Kumar Patel

Kumar Patel: After all we've been through, I'm not sure we can trust our government anymore.
George W. Bush: Hey, I'm in the government and I don't trust it. Listen, you don't have to trust the government to be a good American. You just have to believe in your country.

Chaffee Bicknell: Our surrogacy fee is $100,000.
Angie Ostrowiski: It costs more to have someone born than to have someone killed!
Chaffee Bicknell: It takes longer.

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