Chloe: You remember that time you stole that monkey and put it in Rosenberg's dorm room?
Kumar Patel: Had I known that the monkey had AIDS I never would have done that.

[Dale and Saul are running and Dale sees Saul jump into a dumpster]
Dale Denton: Whoa, whoa! I gotta get to a phone man. Come on!
Saul: No, no! I think we should stay.
Dale Denton: Why?
Saul: [pause] Cause I'm in the dumpster already.

I just got a shipment of Pineapple Express, the dopest dope I've ever smoked. Smellll it. It's like... God's vagina.


Dale Denton: How could he find us?
Saul: Umm, heat-seeking missiles, bloodhounds, foxes, barracudas.
Dale Denton: It's just... I'm kinda flabbergasted when you say things like that. It's weird.
Saul: Thank you.
Dale Denton: Not a compliment.

Nobody sits like this rock sits. You rock, rock. The rock just sits and is. You show us how to just sit here and that's what we need.

Albert Markovski

[last lines]
Tommy Corn: What are you doing tomorrow?
Albert Markovski: I was thinking about chaining myself to a bulldozer. Do you want to come?
Tommy Corn: What time?
Albert Markovski: Mmm, 1, 1:30.
Tommy Corn: Sounds good. Should I bring my own chains?
Albert Markovski: We always do.

I have no idea what you guys are talking about. I thought we were here to talk about petroleum.

Tommy Corn

Tommy Corn: [after being hit in the face with a rubber ball] Awesome! Can we do the ball thing everyday?
Caterine Vauban: Don't call it the ball thing. Call it pure being.
Tommy Corn: Okay... so can we do the pure being ball thing everyday?

Vivian Jaffe: Have you ever transcended space and time?
Albert Markovski: Yes. No. Uh, time, not space... No, I don't know what you're talking about.

But there's no way I could stop it's use in my lifetime is there? I mean, Jimmy Carter would have an electric car by now. I could have a Cadillac Escalade and it could be electric. I wouldn't have to ride my bicycle.

Tommy Corn

Albert Markovski: That fire was a bitch-ass thing to do!
Caterine Vauban: No, it liberated you from Brad.
Albert Markovski: Or maybe, it bonded me even closer with him.

There is no remainder in the mathematics of infinity.

Bernard Jaffe

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