Comedy Quotes
Daughter, husbands like Man-Who-Fights-in-Dress don't come along every day.
Sioux Chief
Let me put it this way. My horse is definitely not my best friend.
Roy O'Bannon
Roy O'Bannon: First time you ever see an outlaw?
[Pretty victim nods]
Roy O'Bannon: Scared? Kind of excited, too? All mixed up? Yeah. Last train we robbed we were naked it was so hot out.
Roy O'Bannon: Yes, John, I've heard all about the Emperor. Must be one hell of a man.
Chon Wang: He's only twelve.
Roy O'Bannon: Are you kidding me? You're sitting here, waiting to die for someone whose balls haven't even dropped?
Imperial Guard: Chon Wang!
Roy O'Bannon: That's right, Johnny Wayne's here.
Roy O'Bannon: I feel like there's this gap between us. It's like I'm a cowboy, you're an Indian. You say wampum, I say money. It is so important, I just think that...
Falling Leaves: [kisses Roy] Shut up, Roy. You talk too much.
This is the West, not the East. The sun may rise where we come from... but here is where it sets.
Chon Wang
[Looking at the bullet holes in his robe] It's a miracle. I am invincible. Roy! Invincible!
Roy O'Bannon
Holy crap, the vultures are eating my head!
Roy O'Bannon
Fight with honor. You will win.
Chon Wang
Chon Wang: You gave me bad directions!
Roy O'Bannon: No, I gave you wrong directions.
[Holds up Chon's chopsticks]
Roy O'Bannon: Want your toothpicks back?
[Reading a reward poster]
Roy O'Bannon: The Shanghai Kid. This is terrible!
Chon Wang: I know. I'm not from Shanghai.
