Women have choices, and men have responsibilities.

Gil

We'll throw away the TV. We'll perform Shakespeare in front of him.

Gil

You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car - hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father.

Tod

I wouldn't live with you if the world were flooded with piss and you lived in a tree!

Julie

l assume you're watching these because you're curious about sex... you know. Or filmmaking.

Helen

Kumar Patel: In eight hours we are going to be in Amersterdam.
Harold Lee: This is amazing.
Kumar Patel: I know dude, it's going to be exactly like Eurotrip except its not going to suck.

Peter Bretter: Maybe this is a sign from God that I should forget her.
Darald: Maybe this is a sign that you should be WITH her. I love her show. When they mix the sexuality and the violence, I like it.

God put our mouths on our head for a reason. No!

Darald

When life gives you lemons, just say 'Fuck the lemons,' and bail.

Surfing Instructor

Come on out. Oh, the weather outside is weather...

Surfing Instructor

Brian: You don't need to put your P in a V right now.
Peter Bretter: No, I need to B my L on someone's T's.

Matthew: I have a question for you real quick. What did you think of my demo? Did you get it?
Aldous Snow: I was gonna listen to that, but then, um, I just carried on living my life.

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