This place is awesome, now I can finally get hepatitis.

Sherman

Bartleby Gaines: Schrader, come on. Don't be scared.
Sherman Schrader: Scared? I'm not scared. You're scared.
Hands: Schrader, you were scared to try the new flavor of Dr. Pepper.
Sherman Schrader: I told you that in confidence Hands!
Bartleby Gaines: Schrader, you were afraid when you're tooth fell out because you were terrified of the Tooth Fairy.
Sherman Schrader: That's actually a legitimate fear. She was rifling through my shit.

Bartleby Gaines: Why'd you get fired?
Glen: I got fired for making a shrimp slushy.
Bartleby Gaines: That's disgusting! Why would you do that pal?
Glen: 'Cause I was hungry and thirsty!

Bartleby Gaines: Schrader, what about you?
Sherman Schrader: Well, B, I'm glad you asked actually, cuz since were going to prison, I wanna learn how to carve a shank out of my toothbrush.

Hoyt Ambrose: You want me to give you something funny to laugh about?
Bartleby Gaines: You mean funnier than your future alcohol abuse?

Bartleby Gaines: Glen since when have you been working at the kwik and stop?
Glen: since I got boned HARD by every college I applied to
Bartleby Gaines: why what happened?
Glen: some political crap I got a zero on my SAT's.
Sherman Schrader: you do know you get 600 points just for signing your name right?
Glen: ...aw DAMNIT!

Girl: Can you sign a copy of your book for me. I got it on ebay.
Uncle Ben: They sell my shit on ebay?
Guy: You wrote a book?
Uncle Ben: Yeah, that was back when I was drinking.

Sherman Schrader: It was your idea to put "acceptance is just one click away"
Bartleby Gaines: Yeah put it as "one click away" but you don't make it clickable!

Sherman Schrader: [screams loudly and high-pitched]
Bartleby Gaines: Schrader what the hell?
Sherman Schrader: It would be really cool if you guys didn't tell anyone I scream like that...

Bartleby Gaines: Remember that time we had to steal my mom's birth control pills?
Sherman Schrader: Yeah, and then Lizzie was born.
Bartleby Gaines: It's worse than that.

Sherman Schrader: Right, you date Monica Morlan
Hoyt Ambrose: That I do
Sherman Schrader: Right, I think of her while I masturb...

Bartleby Gaines: What the hell happened?
Glen: An explosion of flavor. I'm working with some very unstable herbs.

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