Richard: [as he rolls up the sheet that covered Grandpa and packs the bags in the trunk of the bus] You know, Olive, Grandpa would have been proud of you today.
Olive: Really?
Sheryl: You were great.
Frank: You were better than great.
Dwayne: You were incredible.

Frank: Good night Dwayne.
Dwayne: [scribbles on notepad] Don't kill yourself tonight.
Frank: Not on your watch Dwayne. I wouldn't do that to you.
Dwayne: [on notepad] Welcome to hell.
Frank: Thanks Dwayne. Coming from you that means a lot.

Kirby: Your packet has tickets in it, and there's your badge number.
Richard: Okay.
Kirby: Is there anything else?
Richard: Uh, yeah. Is there a funeral home around here?

Jane: I think you should just admit that you're a big softy. That this whole cynical thing is just an act so that you can seem wounded, and mysterious, and sexy.
Kevin: [pause] . Woah, woah, woah. What was the last one?
Jane: What?
Kevin: Did you say sexy?
Jane: What?
Kevin: Do you think I'm sexy?
Jane: No.
Kevin: Its OK if you do.
Jane: I don't.

Jane: [after passing out] Are you a doctor?
Kevin: No, but Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Drunk were bugging me.

I feel like I just found out my favorite love song was written about a sandwich.


Jane: Wanna go find the ugliest stuff in the store and register Tess for it?
Kevin: Let's do it.

You would rather hang out with Italian models than come with me to my *awesome* work party?


Jane's Aunt: Must be so hard to watch your younger sister get married before you.
Jane: Yes. Then I remember that I still get to have hot hate sex with random strangers and I feel SO much better!

Love is patient, love is kind, love is slowly going out of your mind


Tess: You won't share that information with me about him. You wouldn't hurt a fly. Besides, I'm your sister.
Jane: That was yesterday. Today you're just the bitch who broke my heart and cut up my mother's wedding dress.

You'd rather focus on other people's Kodak moments than make memories of your own!


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