You should've gone to China, you know, 'cause I hear they give away babies like free iPods. You know, they pretty much just put them in those t-shirt guns and shoot them out at sporting events.Juno MacGuff
Mac MacGuff: Who's the father?
Juno MacGuff: It's... it's Paulie Bleeker
Juno MacGuff: ... What?
Mac MacGuff: I didn't think he had it in him.
Leah: I know, right?
[a very pregnant Juno enters the room] Hey there, big puffy version of Junebug!Mac MacGuff
Vanessa Loring: Your parents are probably wondering where you are.
Juno MacGuff: Nah... I mean, I'm already pregnant, so what other kind of shenanigans could I get into?
Paulie Bleeker: Come on, let me carry your bag.
Juno MacGuff: Oh, what's another ten pounds?
I don't know what happened! I mean, I just tried to talk to these guys, and then there was a dust buster, a toupee and a life raft exploded... now ones bald ones in a boat and they're both unconscious!Barry B. Benson
No flying in the house!Janet Benson
Fred Claus: Love's complicated.
Willie: It hurts.
You're all fired, in the morning you'll all be on a bus back to Elfistan!Clyde
[to Fred] You're not Alec!Stephen Baldwin
Santa's having some trouble getting the sled off the ground?Fred Claus
Morgan Philip: You know they always say guys only have one thing on their mind.
Giselle: And whatâ€™s that?
Morgan Philip: I don't know. No one will tell me.