Norm Gunderson: They announced it.
Marge Gunderson: They announced it?
Norm Gunderson: Yeah.
Marge Gunderson: So?
Norm Gunderson: Three-cent stamp.
Marge Gunderson: Your mallard?
Norm Gunderson: Yeah.
Marge Gunderson: Oh, that's terrific.
Norm Gunderson: It's just a three-cent stamp.
Marge Gunderson: It's terrific.
Norm Gunderson: Hautman's blue-winged teal got the 29-cent. People don't much use the three-cent.
Marge Gunderson: Oh, for Pete's sake. Of course they do. Whenever they raise the postage, people need the little stamps.

[beating Carl] Fucking little weasel! Fuck you! You fucking motherfucker son of a bitch! Fucking cock! Jesus Christ! You fucking shitbag motherfucker!

Shep Proudfoot

Carl Showalter: Alright Jerry, I'm through fucking around. You got the fucking money?
Jerry Lundegaard: Yeah, I got the money, but... uh...
Carl Showalter: Don't you fucking fuck me, Jerry. I want you to get this money to the Dayton Radisson, top level, in 30 minutes, Jerry, we wrap this thing up.
Jerry Lundegaard: Yeah, but...
Carl Showalter: Hey, you're there in 30 minutes Jerry or I find you Jerry and I shoot you and I shoot your fucking wife and I shoot all your fucking children and I shoot them all in the back of their little fucking heads, you got it?
Jerry Lundegaard: Okay, now you stay away from Scotty now.
Carl Showalter: Got it?

Gaear Grimsrud: Shut the fuck up! Or I'll throw you back in the trunk, you know?
Carl Showalter: Jesus, that's more than I've heard you say all week.

You stay away from me, man! Hey, smoke a fuckin' peace pipe!

Carl Showalter

Norm Gunderson: I love you, Margie.
Marge Gunderson: I love you, Norm.

There's more to life than a little money, ya know. Don'tcha know that? And here ya are. And it's a beautiful day. Well. I just don't understand it.

Marge Gunderson

And I guess that was your accomplice in the woodchipper.

Marge Gunderson

Carl Showalter: Okay, here're the keys to my truck. I'm taking the car right now and gettin' out of here.
Gaer Grimsrud: We split that.
Carl Showalter: How the fuck do you split a car, you dummy? With a fucking chainsaw?

So, I'm tendin' bar there at Ecklund and Swedlin's last Tuesday and this little guy's drinkin' and he says, "So where can a guy find some action? I'm goin' crazy out there at the lake." And I says, "What kinda action?" and he says, "Woman action, what do I look like?" And I says, "Well, what do I look like, I don't arrange that kinda thing," and he says, "I'm goin' crazy out there at the lake," and I says, "Well, this ain't that kinda place."

Mr. Mohra

Carl Showalter: So, how long you been with the escort service?
Escort: I don't know, a few months.
Carl Showalter: Find that work interesting, do ya?
Escort: What're you talkin' about?

[Shep Proudfoot bursts in and knocks Carl out of bed while he was having sex with hooker] Shep, what the fuck ya doin'? I'm banging that girl!

Carl Showalter

FREE Movie Newsletter