Max Fischer: I like your nurse's uniform, guy.
Dr. Peter Flynn: These are O.R. scrubs.
Max Fischer: O, R they?

My top schools where I want to apply to are Oxford and the Sorbonne. My safety's Harvard.

Max Fischer

Herman Blume: You guys have it real easy. I never had it like this where I grew up. But I send my kids here because the fact is you go to one of the best schools in the country: Rushmore. Now, for some of you it doesn't matter. You were born rich and your going to stay rich. But here's my advice to the rest of you: Take dead aim on the rich boys. Get them in the crosshairs and take them down. Just remember, they can buy anything but they can't buy backbone. Don't let them forget it. Thank you.

Rosemary Cross: Do you think we're going to have sex?
Max Fischer: That's a kinda cheap way to put it.
Rosemary Cross: Not if you've ever fucked before, it isn't.

Rosemary Cross: Has it ever crossed your mind that you're far too young for me?
Max Fischer: It crossed my mind that you might consider that a possibility, yeah.

Do you want to go in the bathroom and smoke a cigarette with me?

Jack

[sees children crossing a river] Look at these assholes!

Francis

Rita: What's wrong with you?
Jack: I honestly don't know. I'll tell you the next time I see you.

Jack: What did he say?
Peter: He said the train is lost.
Jack: How can a train be lost? It's on rails.

I wonder if the three of us would've been friends in real life. Not as brothers, but as people.

Jack

I love you too, but I'm gonna mace you in the face!

Jack

Peyton Kelly: My mom says that she fell in love with you because you played guitar and you sounded like Elvis.
Joe Kingman: Really?
[Elvis voice]
Joe Kingman: Well what do you think?
Peyton Kelly: I think my mom was tone deaf and you sound more like an injured moose.

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