Comedy Quotes
[writing in diary] Betty Finn was a true friend and I sold her out for a bunch of Swatch dogs and Diet Coke heads. Killing Heather would be like offing the wicked witch of the west... wait east. West! God! I sound like a fucking psycho.
Veronica Sawyer
This is Ohio. If you don't have a brewski in your hand you might as well be wearing a dress.
J.D.
My parents wanted to move me into high school out of the sixth grade, but we decided to chuck the idea because I'd have trouble making friends, blah, blah, blah. Now blah, blah, blah is all I ever do. I use my grand IQ to decide what color lip gloss to wear in the morning and how to hit three keggers before curfew...
Veronica Sawyer
J.D.: Is your life perfect?
Veronica Sawyer: I'm on my way to a party at Remington University... No, my life's not perfect. I don't really like my friends.
J.D.: I... I don't really like your friends either.
Veronica Sawyer: Well, it's just like - they're people I work with, and our job is being popular and shit.
J.D.: Maybe it's time to take a vacation.
Veronica, why are you pulling my dick?
Heather Duke
Grow up Heather, bulimia's so '87.
Heather Chandler
You blow it tonight, girl, and it's keggers with kids all next year.
Heather Chandler
What is your damage, Heather?
Veronica Sawyer
Kurt Kelly: Hey Ram, doesn't this cafeteria have a no fags allowed rule?
J.D.: Well, they seem to have an open door policy for assholes though don't they?
It's one thing to want someone out of your life, but it's another thing to serve them a wake-up cup full of liquid drainer.
Veronica Sawyer
Chaos was what killed the dinosaurs, darling
J.D.
People will look at the ashes of Westerburg and say, "Now there's a school that self-destructed, not because society didn't care, but because the school was society." Now that's deep.
J.D.
