I had been nominated for the Medal of Honor. I have been so nominated seven times. I have never won. Still, seven times, that is something.

Chief Inspector Dreyfus

When I first heard the name Clouseau, he was a little nothing. Just another police officer in a small village far from Paris. He was the village idiot, I think.

Chief Inspector Dreyfus

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: What? What did you say?
Ponton: Nothing.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: You mean, you didn't just say: Stop the car, dear God, I beg of you, stop the car?

French journalist: Inspector, do you know if the killer was a man or woman?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Well of course I know that! What else is there? A kitten?

Nigel Boswell/Agent 006: Boswell. Nigel Boswell. 006. You know what that means?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Of course! It means you are one away from the big time.

Stop browbeating her! Can't you see she is sexy?

Inspector Jacques Clouseau

Ponton: You never cease to surprise me, sir.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: It's true. My surprises, they are rarely unexpected.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Without warning, I will attack you. In this way, I will keep you vigilant and alert.
[attacks Ponton, but Ponton hits Clouseau]
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Good one.
Ponton: Thank you.

Louis Winthorpe III: Randolph. Mortimer.
Mortimer Duke: Winthorpe, my boy, what have you got for us?
Louis Winthorpe III: Well, it's that time of the month again. Payroll checks for our employees, which require your signatures. And no forgetting to sign the big ones!
Mortimer Duke: We seem to be paying some of our employees an awful lot of money.
Louis Winthorpe III: [laughs] Can't get around the old minimum wage, Mortimer.

This an outrage! I demand a full investigation!

Mortimer Duke

That's called the quart of blood technique... you do that and a quart of blood will come out a guy

Billy Ray Valentine

[Ophelia notices Louis watching her undress] By the way, food and rent are not the only things around here that cost money, you sleep on the couch.


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