Steve: What the heck is that?
Mike: Ah! It's Ozzy Osborne!

Oh God, I'm a dead man.


We've all been screwed by Governor Tracy, and now, I'm going to screw her!


Raving psycho! Butchered 400 chickens and screwed a beagle. I'm taking him back to Nevada where he's wanted for banging horses!


Steve: Ro-ads. Ro-ods.
Mike: Quiet back there! I've taken enough guff from you for one day!

Mike: Whoa, what happened to you? Did you fall into some mud or something?
Steve: Yeah, I did. And now I'm gonna be famous because I'm the only one in the world who knows where you can find WHITE mud.

Motorcycle Cop: Could you take him through here a little faster than seven miles per hour, Officer...
Mike: Meoff, Jack.

And so he says, "Rectum? Damn near killed 'em!"


Governor Tracy: Now you'll have to tell me your name so I know who to make the check out to.
Clyde: My best friends call me Cash.

Mike: What the hell was that?
Steve: A chunk in the road or something.
Mike: I just chunked in my pants.

Steve: Hey Mike, 'I got dibs on top' Ha ha.
Mike: Shut up!
Steve: Ha ha ha ha ha.
Mike: Why don't you shut up?
Steve: Heh heh, 'Hello Washington'. Ha ha ha.
Mike: SHUT UP!

Mike: [dressed as security guard] Please move away from this vector and get into another coordinate pronto. There's no access for you in this quadrant.
Teen: Man, why don't you goose-step on down to the women and children over there and give them your little power trip, because they may be impressed by it, asshole!
Mike: Young man, I'm gonna twist off your head and spike it onto the floors of a nightmare you can't even imagine! I will dance with you inside the six-sided ring of fire, unless you move from this area, far and fast, NOW!

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