Will Smith: What's your daughter's name?
Ollie: Gertrude.
Will Smith: Damn why'd you do that man?

Will Smith: 'Ey, you Brickman?
Ollie: No. I'm just a guy who'd rather play in the dirt with his kid.

My Mum says my Dad has brown eyes because he is full of shit.

Boy

Bart: If Gertie could see the shit you've been pulling.
Ollie: Gertie can't see anything, Dad. She's dead.
Bart: That's right, she is. But you aint. And neither is that kid.

Man cannot live on porn alone.

Maya

Forget about what you thought you were and just accept who you are.

Maya

Ollie: Come on, Dad. Don't you wanna live alone again?
Bart: Not as much as I don't wanna die alone.

Maya: I do it at least twice a day.
Ollie: Good God!

Gertrude Steiney: You try getting ready quickly when you look like this! I'm so fat and there's gonna be nothing but beautiful skinny girls there!
Ollie: That's because they're all coked-out whores, honey.
Gertrude Steiney: [crying] I wanna be a coked-out whore!

Try acting like a father, shithead.

Bart

Okay, it's like this. My dog ate my paper. I checked, but he didn't poop it out.

Boy

George Michael is all about the ladies. "I want your sex." Does that sound like he's singing to a guy?

Ollie

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