Comedy Quotes
I'm the father of the Internet.
Lou
Jacob: Hey Nick, rip off any pop stars lately?
Nick: Today I recorded an original piece... Okay, it was that Lisa Loeb song.
Ever since I wrote Call Me Maybe, back in 92, I've been on a roll.
Nick
We need to find the point in time that things went wrong and fix it.
Jacob
You see, there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity. Indeed that's what we provide in our own modest, humble, insignificant... oh, fuck it.
M. Gustave
They honey potted us!
Aaron Rapoport
They hate us, ‘cause they ain’t us.
David Skywalk
David Skylark: Want to go kill Kim Jong-un?
Aaron Rapoport: Totally! I’d love to assassinate Kim Jonh-un. It’s a date!
Kim Jong-un: Dave! I have a gift for you!
David Skylark: Oh! Oh! Oh! This dog is killing me with it’s cuteness!
Kim Jong-un: It’s crazy cute!
David Skylark: Holy f***amole! A tank!
Kim Jong-un: It was a gift from my grandfather from Stalin.
David Skylark: In my country it’s pronounced Stallone.
David Skylark: There’s something out there!
Aaron Rapoport: It’s a tiger.
David Skylark: I didn’t want it to come to this but you’re going to have to fight that tiger!
Agent Lacey: Please tell me you know that that’s a stupid idea.
David Skylark: Do not be a gentleman. You go right for the f***ing balls!
Aaron Rapoport: I don’t see it’s balls.
David Skylark: Kim must die! That’s the American way.
Sook: How many times can the US make the same mistake?
David Skylark: As many times as it takes!
