Female Neighbor: Excuse me? Excuse me. Never sleep with that man, never loan him money, and never believe a word he tells you. That's free advice.
Vincent Benedict: Morning, Agnes.

I don't know what the problem is, but I'm sure it can be solved without resorting to violence.

Julius Benedict

Julius Benedict: Actually, I hate violence. Vincent Benedict: But you're so good at it!

Vincent Benedict: [impressed with Julius's fighting abilities] You could be a boxer or something. I could be your manager.
Julius Benedict: No, I could never fight for money.
Vincent Benedict: Well that's fine. You fight, I'll keep the money.

Julius Benedict: My name is Julius and I am your twin brother.
Vincent Benedict: Oh, obviously! The moment I sat down I thought I was looking into a mirror.

Vincent Benedict: Through the lips, over the gums...
Julius Benedict: Look out stomach! Here it comes!

Vincent Benedict: You're a virgin!
Julius Benedict: That's private.
Vincent Benedict: A 230-pound virgin!

Vincent Benedict: Money talks and bullshit walks!
Julius Benedict: How can bullshit walk?

If you're lying to me, I'll be back!

Julius Benedict

Thank you for the cookies. I look forward to tossing them.

Julius Benedict

I like to think of Jesus as a mischievous badger.

Cal Naughton, Jr.

What's up with it, Vanilla face? Me and my homie Azamat just parked our slab outside. We're looking for somewhere to post up our Black asses for the night. So, uh, bang bang, skeet skeet, nigga. Just a couple of pimps, no hos.

Borat

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