Miranda Hobbes: [at a bar, drinking Cosmopolitans] Why did we ever stop drinking these?
Bradshaw: Because everyone else started!

Todd Cleary: We had a moment at the dinner table didn't we?
Jeremy Grey: No! No! We did not have a moment at the dinner table, Todd!

Ahoy polloi... where did you come from, a scotch ad?

Spalding Smails

Billy Mack: I realized that Christmas is... is the time to be with the people you love.
Joe: Right.
Billy Mack: And I realized that, as dire chance and... and... and fateful cockup would have it, here I am, mid-50s, and without knowing it I've gone and spent most of my adult life with a... with a chubby employee. And... and much as it grieves me to say it, it... it might be that the people I love is, in fact... you.
Joe: Well, this is a surprise.
Billy Mack: Yeah.
Joe: Ten minutes at Elton John's, you're as gay as a maypole!

Bender: Remember how you said your parents use you to get back at each other? Claire Standish: [nods]
Bender: Wouldn't I be OUTSTANDING in that capacity?

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I will kick you repeatedly in the balls, Gardocki!

Brennan Huff

Oh Ron, there are literally thousands of other men that I should be with instead, but I am 72 percent sure that I love you.

Veronica Corningstone

I do this! Time after time after time! I do all this shit for other people! And then I wake up and I'm empty! I have nothing!


Pat: You look nice.
Tiffany: Thank you.
Pat: Oh, I'm not flirting with you.
Tiffany: Oh, I didn't think you were.
Pat: I just see that you made an effort, and I'm gonna be better with my wife. I'm working on that. I wanna acknowledge her beauty. I never used to do that. I do now. Just practicing. How'd Tommy die?

Pat: How old are you?
Tiffany: Old enough to have a marriage end and not wind up in a mental hospital.

Nikki's waiting for me to get in shape and get my life back together. Then we're going to be together.


Mom, can we stop at the library? I want to read Nikki's entire high school syllabus.


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