We didn't lose Vietnam. It was a tie!


Otto: [puts a bag over Archie's head] Hello, Mr. Burglar! Going somewhere? Thought you could rob Mr. Leach, eh? Well, I'm going to teach you a lesson!
[kicks him in the stomach]
Otto: He just happens to be a very good friend of mine!
Archie: Otto! Otto! Otto!
Otto: [comes back with a long-handled pan] And he's going to be very pleased with me to find you here, all tied up and ready for the police!
[knocks Archie out with a pan]
Otto: And don't call me "Otto." To you, I am "Mr...”
[stops, lifts bag, sees it's Archie, screams]
Otto: Oh, my God... Oh... Oh my God. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
[pats Archie's face]
Otto: Please, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I didn't know it was you. How could I know it was you? I mean, how could you expect me to guess? Stupid jerk! I mean, what the fuck were you doing *robbing* your *own house?*
[kicks Archie in the stomach]
Otto: You asshole! You stupid, stiff, pompous, English...!
[screams and recoils]
Otto: I'm sorry! I'm sorry. Uh... uh... yeah.

Otto: Don't call me stupid.
Wendy: Why on earth not?

Thomas: JIMMY! Can I have your autograph?
Jimmy: Get it off eBay!
Thomas: Who is eBay?

Peter's another name for weaner.

Steve Barker

Steve Barker: What's in that?
Glen: Milk, eggs, and meat.
Steve Barker: What kind of meat?
Glen: Raw meat!

Mark: Why'd you scratch his C D?
Steve Barker: Jeffy just admiring it.
Mark: Do it again and you'll be admiring my butt from the pavement with a straw.
Steve Barker: ... What?
Mark: You heard me!

This is my doberman candy.


We need to come up with a slogan. You know, like "Life is like a box of chocolates," or "Take my hands, boss." Like that monster tard off of "Green Mile."


Billy: Thomas, get me some water. My throat is parched.
Thomas: Do you want tap or Evian?
Billy: I don't know. Surprise me.

Winston: Hey Steve, ask me ANY movie.
Steve Barker: Okay, hmm... Jaws.
Winston: That's a good movie.

Goodbye, Hooker Lady!


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