One Timex digital watch, broken. One unused prophylactic. One soiled.

Corrections Officer

The light was yellow, sir.


Elwood: Illinois Nazis.
Jake: I hate Illinois Nazis.

Jake: Do you have any fried chicken ma'am?
Mrs. Murphy: Best damned chicken in the state.
Jake: Bring me four fried chickens and a Coke.
Mrs. Murphy: You want chicken wings or chicken legs?
Jake: Four fried chickens and a Coke.
Elwood: And some dry white toast please.
Mrs. Murphy: Ya'all want anything to drink with that?
Elwood: No ma'am.
Jake: A Coke.

Mrs. Murphy: Help you two?
Elwood: Do you have any white bread ma'am?
Mrs. Murphy: Yeah.
Elwood: I'll have some toasted white bread please.
Mrs. Murphy: You want butter or jam on that, honey?
Elwood: No ma'am, dry.

Boys, you got to learn not to talk to nuns that way.


Ya see, me and the Lord have an understanding.


Ow, you fat penguin!


What the fuck is this shit?


Matt: But then Samnang won't get his money!
Kelly: It's funny, you say that like I care. I don't give a shit!

Okay, people, let's make some fuckie fuckie.


Matthew: Why didn't you just tell me?
Danielle: Because I didn't want to! Because I loved the way you looked at me. You don't understand how hard...
Matthew: Wait!
Danielle: Fuck you.

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