Matthew: It's not funny.
Danielle: It's a little funny.
Matthew: I know.
Matthew: I know.
Eli: Matthew, I tell you that you're going to regret this. What would JFK do? You know he'd tap that ass.
Matthew: Eli, you're never going to see her again.
Eli: Oh, you know what? Fine!
Eli: Fine! Goddammit Matt! I swear to God if you don't fuck her, I'll kill myself! Matt! Please! Please! Matt! Fuck her for me! For me!
Eli: Dude, don't mess this up.
Matthew: Mess what up?
Eli: Matt, she's a porn star! Okay? Take her to a motel room and bang her like a beast!
Matthew: Eli, I like this girl.
Eli: And you can still like her with your penis inside her.
I had to pee, so I did the pullover thing, but I think I dribbled.Deputy Trudy Wiegel
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: Does anybody have any ideas?
Deputy Trudy Wiegel: What about... a phone... you can smell through...
Deputy Clementine Johnson: Let me in, I don't have a key to this door.
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: It's open. You ok?
Deputy Clementine Johnson: Oh, I'm in love.
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: Hey, you've got a bandage on your teat.
Deputy Clementine Johnson: A love bandage.
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: No, I mean an ace bandage.
Deputy Clementine Johnson: Oh my God, if I've been stabbed, I'm gonna be so pissed!
Deputy Clementine Johnson: You need to go to the store and get me some cranberry juice cuz it's gonna be one of those days!
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: Uh oh, yeast infection time!
Deputy Trudy Wiegel: Terry, when you're here, you're an ambassador for Reno.
Terry: Heavy on the assador!
This hotel reminds me of a place you'd want to go to get a good ol' fashioned raping or a down-home murder!Deputy Trudy Wiegel
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: Why was your hand on my dick?
Deputy Trudy Wiegel: I dreamt that I was driving in the Indie500!