Glen the Desk Clerk: Hello, welcome to the International Inn. How many?
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: There's 8 of us...
Glen the Desk Clerk: 8, 8 people for a suckfest
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: No, no suckfest, were here for a convention.
Glen the Desk Clerk: I like convention too. I'm in a convention, a suckfest convention.

This is the stupidest group of people I've ever worked with who are not legally retarded.

Lieutenant Jim Dangle

You guys here for the suck-fest?

Motel Owner

I'm pooping!

Deputy Trudy Wiegel

[repeated line] What the fuck, man?

Lieutenant Jim Dangle

Can't you just give me a pitty fuck?

Deputy Trudy Wiegel

[after being tortured by weed whacker] Who brings a weed wacker on a boat?

Drug Lord's First Hostage

I became a police officer because my doctor told me I needed to get out of the house more.

Deputy Trudy Wiegel

Your watch is stuck in my pubes.

Deputy Trudy Wiegel

Deputy Travis Junior: I just had the weirdest dream
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: You know you're driving, right?
[hits a porto-potty]
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: [looking back] Noone was in it.

Reno is a lot like Mayberry on the TV except that everyone's on crystal meth and prostitution's legal.

Deputy Travis Junior

Legalize it

Deputy Clementine Johnson

FREE Movie Newsletter