Oops. That's not your vagina. That's your asshole.

Female Doctor

Martin: Whatever. I'm glad I'm not a Jew.
Ben Stone: So are we. You weren't chosen for a reason.

Alison Scott: I'm sorry I told you to fuck your bong.
Ben Stone: It's okay... I didn't.

Thanks for the free money, Bitch.


If any of us get laid tonight, it's because of Eric Bana in "Munich."

Ben Stone

Alison Scott: Hey...
Ben Stone: I'm naked.
Alison Scott: Yeah.
Ben Stone: Did we have sex?
Alison Scott: Yes.
Ben Stone: Nice.

I live in your phone!

Ben Stone

[to bartender] You're going to be embarrassed when you realize I'm Wilmer Valderrama.

Ben Stone

Your face looks like Robin Williams' knuckles.

Ben Stone

Tell him not to jerk off with a noose around his neck - it's dangerous.


Fuck you hormones!

Ben Stone

Now that's how you get pink eye.

Ben Stone

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