Comedy Quotes
David Skylark: As the two best friends stared each other in the eyes, they knew that this might be the end of the long road. But even though that neither one could say it out loud, they were both thinking…
David Skylark and Aaron Rapoport: [whispers together] I love you.
David Skylark: He’s not evil! He was just born into a hard situation!
Aaron Rapoport: You can not pull out of this!
David Skylark: I’m pulling out!
Aaron Rapoport: You’re way too deep to pull out!
David Skylark: I’m pulling out!
Aaron Rapoport: No, we are not! You are leaving it in!
Agent Lacey: You are entering into the most dangerous country on earth. Kim Jong-un’s people believe anything he tells them including that he can speak to dolphins or he doesn’t urinate and defecate.
David Skylark: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, you’re telling me my man doesn’t pee or poop?
Aaron Rapoport: Everybody pees and poops. Where would it go otherwise? He’d explode.
David Skylark: But he does talk to dolphins?
Agent Lacey: [sighs]
Agent Lacey: Mr. Rapoport, I am Agent Lacey with Central Intelligence. You two are going to be in a room alone with Kim and the CIA would love it if you two could take him out.
David Skylark: Hmm?
Agent Lacey: Take him out.
Aaron Rapoport: For coffee?
David Skylark: Dinner?
Aaron Rapoport: For kimchi?
Agent Lacey: No, uh, take him out.
Aaron Rapoport: You want us to kill the leader of North Korea?
Agent Lacey: Yes
David Skylark: Whaaaaat?!
I've been leaving a breadcrumb trail of gayness.
Eminem
Aaron Rapoport: Kim Jong-un wants to do an interview with Dave Skylark?
David Skylark: He’s a fan!
Aaron Rapoport: He’s the most reclusive leader on the planet!
David Skylark: We do this, everyone is going to take us super duper seriously!
Aaron Rapoport: Okay
David Skylark: We’re going to North Korea!
Rob Lowe: You know, people say that actors lie for a living but this is living a lie.
David Skylark: Okay, Rob, when you’re ready.
Aaron Rapoport: Get ready, camera two.
Male Producer: Oh, Jesus!
David Skylark: Whoa!
Female Producer: His head looks like somebody's taint.
David Skylark: You barely look different!
Rob Lowe: Thanks, Dave!
Just because your dad called the cops doesn't mean that he doesn't love you.
Dale Arbus
We're not going to see Mother-Fucker Jones because we're not going to kidnap anyone.
Nick Hendricks
Holy shit, he fight clubbed himself! We have a fight clubber!
Kurt Buckman
I hate to break it to you, but the American dream is in China.
Bert Hanson
Dave Harken: You options are.
Dale Arbus: Legal options.
Dave Harken: JACK SHIT.
Dale Arbus: I heard Jack Lebowitz is that an attorney I'm going to write that down Jack Lebowitz.
Kurt Buckman: Got to be can we get his contact info please.
