Miles: So your parents are going out of town. You got the place all to yourself.
Joel Goodson: Yeah.
Miles: What the fuck.

Joel Goodson: Well, uh, it's just that I don't have that much here in the house.
Lana: How much do you have?
Joel Goodson: I have 50 dollars.
Lana: 50 dollars? What are we going to do about this, Joel?
Joel Goodson: I don't know. Could I send it to you?
Lana: [incredulous] Could you send it to me?
Joel Goodson: [long pause] I, uh, have a bond at the bank. I could go cash that.
Lana: I'm not real good at waiting.
Joel Goodson: I'll be quick.

Joel Goodson: Uh, my name isn't really Ralph. It's Joel.
Lana: Mmm. I'll be needing 300 dollars. Joel.
Joel Goodson: You're kidding.
Lana: No, I don't believe that I am.

Joel Goodson: You know, Bill, there's one thing I learned in all my years. Sometimes you just gotta say, "What the fuck. Make your move."
Rutherford: I beg your pardon?

Sometimes you just gotta say "what the heck."

Joel's Father

Joel Goodson: Porsche. There is no substitute.
Miles: Fuck you.

I don't believe this! I've got a trig midterm tomorrow, and I'm being chased by Guido, the killer pimp.


[after Joel's Princeton interview]
Lana: So, how're we doin'?
Joel Goodson: Looks like University of Illinois!

Joel Goodson: So is this Guido guy... he's your manager?
Lana: That's right.
Joel Goodson: Or a pimp?
Lana: Now that's quick Joel. Have you always been this quick, or is this something new?

[in his dream] Please Joel, do what they say, just get off the babysitter.

Joel's Mother

[to Joel] Are you ready for me... Ralph?


Say "what the fuck" ... If you can't say it, you can't do it.


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