Lee: Stop, I'm sick of your bullshit.
James Carter: And I'm sick of you! I'm not the one running up in Karaoke bars full of gangsters. And I'm not the one running up in massage parlors looking for crime lords.
Lee: Just follow my lead. Act like a tourist.
James Carter: I am a tourist, fool!
Lee: That's Ricky Tan.
James Carter: That's Ricky Tan? Man, that's a midget in a bathrobe!
Lee: Just try to blend in.
James Carter: What do you mean, "blend in"? I'm two feet taller than everybody in here!
James Carter: Just tell me how the Triads gonna kill us.
Lee: They will torture us for three days.
James Carter: Okay, I can handle that.
Lee: Then they will cut off our eggrolls.
James Carter: Cut off our eggrolls? Oh hell no! We gotta get out of here! Don't give up!
James Carter: Secret Service Agent James Carter, I like the sound of it. Won't be long before I'm in Washington D.C. protectin' the President.
Lee: We both know you wouldn't take a bullet for someone else.
James Carter: Yeah but they don't know that.
All right, listen up! All the Triads and the ugly women on this side, and all the fine women on this side, right now!James Carter
I will bitch-slap you back to Africa.Lee
You know, we could have been a good couple. We could have had something special. But you one crazy-ass bitch!James Carter
James Carter: Couldn't help noticin' how she was staring at a brother.
Lee: She never even look at you.
James Carter: You just jealous, Lee, 'cause women like me. I'm tall, dark and hansome and you third world ugly.
Lee: I am not third world ugly, women think I'm cute. Like Snoopy.
James Carter: Lee, Snoopy is 6 inches taller than you.
James Carter: Lee, let me introduce you to Carter's new theory of criminal investigation: follow the rich white man.
Lee: Follow the rich white man?
James Carter: Behind every big crime there's a rich white man waiting for his cut.
[during a fight scene with a bunch of Chinese men]
James Carter: [after accidentally punching Lee] Sorry, man!
James Carter: All y'all look alike!