Nicholas Angel: What's the situation?
DS Andy Wainwright: Two blokes and a fuck load of cutlery!
Nicholas Angel: What's with all the cake?
Inspector Frank Butterman: Oh, that's for constable Butterman's minor indiscretion.
Nicholas Angel: [concerned] What? For last night?
Inspector Frank Butterman: Oh no, the cake is punishment for misplacing his helmet last week. No, last night's antics will require something a little more serious.
Nicholas Angel: Well I should think so. What did you have in mind?
Inspector Frank Butterman: Well let's just say we won't be running short of Chunky Monkey for the next month.
Danny Butterman: [annoyed] Daaaaaad!
Pack it in, Frank, you silly bastard!Nicholas Angel
Danny Butterman: So what made you want to become a policeman?
Nicholas Angel: Officer.
Danny Butterman: What made you want to become a policeman officer?
Nicholas Angel: I can't remember a time when I didn't want to be a police officer, except for the summer of 1979 when I wanted to be Kermit the frog. I remember when I was five, my uncle Derek bought me a police pedal car. There wasn't a minute of the day I spent out of that car. I went round - arresting kids much bigger than me. I got beaten up a lot, but it didn't stop me.
Danny Butterman: Man, he sounds like a great guy!
Nicholas Angel: Actually he was arrested for selling drugs to students, probably bought the pedal car with the proceeds.
Danny Butterman: What a cunt.
Nicholas Angel: Naturally, I never went near it again. I just left it there in the yard to gather rust. But I never lost the profound sense of right and wrong I felt behind the wheel of that pedal car. And I always wanted to be a police officer, from that moment on.
Danny Butterman: Oh. Shame really...
Nicholas Angel: How so?
Danny Butterman: I think you would have made a great Muppet...
By the power of Greyskull!Danny Butterman
Haven't you ever wondered why the crime rate is so low? But the accident rate is so high?Nicholas Angel
Metropolitan Police Inspector: [darkly] You don't want me to get the Chief Inspector down here do you?
Nicholas Angel: Yes, I would actually.
Metropolitan Police Inspector: Very well.
[to a man by the door]
Metropolitan Police Inspector: Kenneth?
DS Andy Wainwright: You do know there are more guns in the country than there are in the city.
DS Andy Cartwright: Everyone and their mums is packin' round here!
Nicholas Angel: Like who?
DS Andy Wainwright: Farmers.
Nicholas Angel: Who else?
DS Andy Cartwright: Farmers' mums.
Danny Butterman: What do you think?
Nicholas Angel: Well, I wouldn't argue that it wasn't a no holds barred, adrenaline fueled thrill ride. But, there is no way you can perpetrate that amount of carnage and mayhem and not incur a considerable amount of paperwork.
Danny Butterman: That is nothing man, this is about to go off!
Jesus ChrisReverend Philip Shooter
Danny Butterman: [after supposedly stabbing Sgt. Angel, waving a sachet of tomato ketchup] Da daaa!
Nicholas Angel: Danny, this is murder.
Danny Butterman: It's not murder, it's ketchup.
Nicholas Angel: We have to do something, Frank's appointed himself as Judge, Jury and Executioner.
Danny Butterman: [agitated and defensive] He is not Judge Judy and Executioner
Bring the noise!Danny Butterman