Choir singer: [to himself] Just focus on the music, think melody, let the music be my guide.
Heather: Yeah, that'd be a start.

Finch: Did not just take out that chair.
Kevin: Yup, he took out the chair.

Kevin: Hey Stifler, how's the pale ale?
Steve Stifler: Fuck you!

I don't want any of you boys thinking, that you're gonna score. You don't score, until you *score*!

Coach Marshall

Jessica: You've never had an orgasm? Not even manually?
Vicky: I've never tried it.
Jessica: You've never double-clicked your mouse?

[on condoms] Well, they're safer than a tube sock...

Jim's Dad

MILF Guy #2: Dude that chick's a MILF!
MILF Guy #1: What the hell is that?
MILF Guy #2: M-I-L-F... Mom I'd Like to Fuck!
MILF Guy #1: Yeah, dude! Yeah!

Vicky: Maybe the words aren't that important. It's like, I know he really cares about me, you know even if he can't say if he does. And yeah, he always talks about sex, but that's ok cause he's a guy, right?
Jessica: He's got a dick, he's a guy.
Vicky: Right.

Jim's Dad: It's like playing a tennis ball against a brick wall, which can be fun. It can be fun, but it's not a game.
Jim: Right.
Jim's Dad: It's not a game.
Jim: No.
Jim's Dad: What you want is a partner to return the ball.

Michelle: What's my name? Say my name, bitch!
Jim: Michelle! Michelle.

Stifler's Mom: I got some scotch.
Finch: Single malt?
Stifler's Mom: Aged 18 years. The way I like it.

Kevin: Separately we are flawed and vulnerable, but together we are the masters of our sexual destiny.
Jim: Their tiger-style kung fu is strong, but our dragon-style kung fu will defeat it!
Kevin: Guys...
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: The Shaolin masters of East and West must unite! Fight! And find out who is number one!
Kevin: GUYS! I'm serious!

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