First I get my name in the phone book and now I'm on your ass. You know, I'll bet more people see that than the phone book.

Navin Johnson

Good Lord - I've heard about this - cat juggling! Stop! Stop! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Good. Father, could there be a God that would let this happen?

Navin Johnson

Patty Bernstein: [provocatively] You know what I wanna do?
Navin Johnson: What's that?
Patty Bernstein: Guess your weight. [starts squeezing on him everywhere]
Navin Johnson: Hey, you're really trying to be accurate!

Good luck. The Lord loves a working man, don't trust whitey, see a doctor and get rid of it. Bye Grandma!

Navin R. Johnson

The new phonebook's here!

Navin R. Johnson

I was born a poor black child.

Navin R. Johnson

These cans are defective!

Navin R. Johnson

Navin R. Johnson: [outside now] And I don't need one other thing, except my dog.
[Shithead growls at him]
Navin R. Johnson: I don't need my dog.

I love sluts! Sluts rock! It's just, you know, it's just gotta be the right slut, you know?


Gary: Hey Abby, I thought this was a different bunk.
Abby Bernstein: No.
Gary: Am I bothering you?

Henry: So, do you work here?
Beth: Yeah, I'm the Camp Director. You?
Henry: Me, no, I don't work here.
Beth: No, yeah, I'm the camp director... I would know if you worked here.
Henry: Oh, right.

The phone! The phone! Where's the fucking phone?


FREE Movie Newsletter