Comedy Quotes
Maude Lebowski: What do you do for recreation?
The Dude: Oh, the usual. I bowl. Drive around. The occasional acid flashback.
Donny: Phone's ringing, Dude.
The Dude: Thank you, Donny.
Whereas what we have here? A bunch of fig-eaters wearing towels on their heads, trying to find reverse in a Soviet tank. This is not a worthy adversary.
Walter Sobchak
Oh boy. How ya gonna keep 'em down on the farm once they've seen Karl Hungus.
The Dude
Younger Cop: And was there anything of value in the car?
The Dude: Oh, uh, yeah, uh... a tape deck, some Creedence tapes, and there was a, uh... uh, my briefcase.
Younger Cop: [expectant pause] In the briefcase?
The Dude: Uh, uh, papers, um, just papers, uh, you know, uh, my papers, business papers.
Younger Cop: And what do you do, sir?
The Dude: I'm unemployed.
[to the Dude] Keep your ugly fuckin' goldbrickin' ass out of my beach community.
Malibu Police Chief
That's right, Dude, they peed on your fucking rug.
Walter Sobchak
Walter Sobchak: Also, let's not forget - let's NOT forget, Dude - that keeping wildlife, an amphibious rodent, for uh, domestic, you know, within the city - that aint legal either.
The Dude: What are you, a fucking park ranger?
Walter Sobchak: No, I'm...
The Dude: Who gives a shit about the marmot!
Look at our current situation with that camel fucker over in Iraq. Pacifism is not something to hide behind.
Walter Sobchak
Donny: They posted the next round for the tournament.
Walter Sobchak: Donny, shut the f- when do we play?
Hey, you wanna go feed that donkey some beer? Get it all messed up?
Frank
[scolding Billy in the hallway] Making fun of a kid for trying to read! Are you psycho? Do you not have a soul?
Veronica Vaughn
