I am very proud to be an American. I am America's number one douche.

General Aladeen

General Aladeen: Don't worry, I am Wadiya's number one actor. You don't win 4 Wadiyan Golden Globes for nothing.
Nadal: Yes you do, because you gave them to yourself!

A ruby? What am I? A Kardashian?

Megan Fox

General Aladeen: Oh it's a girl. I'm so sorry. Where's the trashcan?
Pregnant Woman: Oh no we want it!

Zoey: Could you please take your hands off my breasts?
General Aladeen: Those are breasts? I thought you were a boy.

I love being an American.

General Aladeen

Is there any way you could lend me some money? Maybe... 20 million dollars?

General Aladeen

Tom: You told me that it was gonna be two years. It's sort of like when you're on a treadmill, and you tell yourself "I want to run five miles today" and now, it's forever miles...
Violet: When was the last time you were on a treadmill? Sorry...

Rabbi: Of course, the men will wear yarmulkes...
Tom: Definitely, I'll wear mine...
Violet: Babe, you don't have a yarmulke...
Tom: I have a whole...it's in my... my Jewish drawer.

This is supposed to be exciting. This is your wedding. You only get a few of these.

Suzie Barnes-Eilhauer

Sylvia: Any ideas when this wedding might happen? Grandparents do have a tendency to die.
Violet: Mom, they're all right there.
Sylvia: Well, for now...

There is no perfect cookie!

Suzie Barnes-Eilhauer

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